Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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