He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
