Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
A bitchslap is in order.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
