She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I enjoy the company of your penis
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