where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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