she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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