She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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