What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
