I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
