Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will pee on everything he values.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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