just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
