I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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