id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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