lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
