Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
