it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
