good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
