He is an equal opportunity slut.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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