Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
