I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
