I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
