i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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