some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
