I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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