It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Boobs speak an international language.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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