He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
