I feel like abortions should bother me more
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
