I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
