I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
