it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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