Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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