nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
