You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
