we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
