saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
