I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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