Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
