you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
