HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
