she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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