so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
