when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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