1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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