I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
