Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
