goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
In other news, I just burned my penis
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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