He kissed a someone with a penis
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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