the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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