Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
