I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
