I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
