So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
