he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
